I lost myself, defining myself by my grief and by the mental illness which is a result of events beyond my control in my childhood. I lost belief in my self, in what made me who I am. I became stuck in my limitations, trying to validate myself through pouring my energies into others.

Being with someone younger seemed only to remind me that I am older, and that became a limitation. The more limited I became, the less secure she became. How foolish. In trying to be everything she wanted, I forgot to be what I needed. Her security was not my responsibility any more than my validity was hers. But I understand now. I understand that I failed to see the beauty in that difference between us. I see it now and I am grateful.

This does not define me. This failure is a gift. It has reminded me of my worth and that worth can only come from within. I am my own power. I am my own worth. I am my own success. Of all the lessons she taught me, these are the most valuable.

I have no need to prove anything to anyone, or even myself. I am content to sit in the moment and be present with what and who I Am. This does not discount my pain, this does not decrease the value of my experience. It is what it is, and I am who I am.

This is my lesson.

Beginning Again

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